Radiohead at Roseland. When a band accustomed to playing stadiums announces two shows at a 3,000-capacity venue, the ticket brokers salivate and the hoi polloi like us are left refreshing our browsers with one hand while crossing our fingers with the other. Soon after tickets went on sale, the Craigslist offers followed, with scads of people offering tickets to other shows, spots on line and their mini disks (seriously, man?) for a chance to see the band. A few went above and beyond, though. For those who probably didn’t rock, we salute you. Hive looks at our favorite Radiohead ticket offers, sorted by ascending levels of desperation.
What do you get the Radiohead fan that can afford $80 tickets, but can’t go out for dinner beforehand? “I would LOVE to treat someone to a lovely meal with me :] We can talk about atoms or cats or art or gross people or whatever nonsense tickles your fancy! Then we can prance on over to the Roseland all nice and drunk like and I can even pay around 100 for your spare. So you get a meal, a rad-cool-sweetheart of a lady to hang out with and some cash ! WOW-ZA! You’ll have a blast eating tasty food at a negotiable restaurant/bar/picnic with me and then seeing Radiohead!”
Desperation Level: 3
2. Music Skills
This poster doesn’t stipulate exactly how many lessons you get in one year (1? 365?) or what exactly he’ll teach you (there’s a big difference between “Eruption” and some Yngwie Malmsteen nerd-metal), but it’s a nice thought. “I am a desperate and die-hard Radiohead fan, and I am offering $400 for a ticket to see Radiohead at Roseland on Thursday 9/29. In addition to $400, I will offer FREE guitar and vocal lessons for A YEAR if you sell me this ticket! I am a classically trained singer and a professional musician.”
Desperation Level: 5
3. Wine (and other booze)
Does art-rock pair with fancy wines? We have no idea, but we respect the creativity. “I can’t pay these crazy prices for tix, BUT besides the $80 … I have many good (& expensive) bottles of Italian wine at home & a few brand new boxed bottles of expensive whiskey or maybe even a bottle of Grey Goose for you to enjoy.” Our oenophilic friend adds that there’s “no need to worry about having a weirdo wait in line & walk in with you.” It’s Craigslist. We wouldn’t possibly think that.
Desperation Level: 6
4. Vital Organs
There’s always one. “I am offering a kidney and $100 for your +1 to the Radiohead show tonight at Roseland Ballroom. I hear there are waiting lists for these things (kidneys) [that] are comparable to what the Roseland Ballroom line looked like last night for the show. Obviously we must have the same blood type and other compatible factors for this to work, but if you’re an understanding type of individual (and need a kidney really bad), then you are also up for ironing out the details after the sure to be life changing show tonight.” There was also the offer of the poster’s first-born child, but that’s when it got a bit weird.
Desperation Level: 8. You have two kidneys, but who knows when they’ll play again? (Probably soon.)
5. Themselves (Natch)
Presented without comment: “This is my last resort, I am ready and willing to do ANYTHING for your +1 to Radiohead – Thurs – 9/29. I’ll send you my pics/do other stuff in that regard, clean your house, dress up and dance around for you, you name it, i’ll flippin do it! Please please please help a girl out!”
Desperation Level: 10. But guess who got in over everyone else?