Kool Keith’s Guide to Giving the Gift of Swag to Your Mom

Hive Five: Our daily listicle of musical musings.

Fed up of following the same old Mother’s Day routine? Allow us to introduce Kool Keith, a rapper known for his heap of aliases (Dr. Octagon, Dr. Dooom, Mr. Nogato, etc.). One of Keith’s latest is Dr. Philadelphia, who just so happens to claim to have created “swag.” Which to us, means he knows exactly how to give the gift of swag to your Mom this Sunday. Here’s his expert advice.

1. Swag = Cash

On Mother’s Day, just tell her “Happy Mother’s Day,” give her a card with some money in it, and she’s happy.

2. Don’t Rule Out Endless Shrimp

Some people go to the drug store to get their cards, like certain drug stores. Some people also get gift cards and give their mom a Red Lobster gift card.

3. Grab a Swag Bag

My mom’s not into the fancy designer bags that a girl can buy — she prefers to go and buy unique pieces. She likes a brand new distinctive pocket book, so she doesn’t go and buy the designer bag that 90% of everybody buys and they don’t know how to wear it.

4. Don’t Get Color Blocked

My mom likes nice colors, so she wants the bag to go with her clothes as opposed to someone just carrying a Louis Vuitton bag with all black on — that’s kinda clich├ęd really. She will go buy a sky blue bag that matches something she has that goes into her outfit, or a purple bag. She’s into color and fashion and beige and yellows and stuff like that. Some people buy a bag but they don’t know how to match the bag, or they’ll have a pair of sweatpants on with the bag at the bottom. She’s beyond that stage — color blocking is cool but sometimes people will try and get away with anything.

5. Say No to Brunch

99% of the time everybody’s doing the same thing, like going to a restaurant, but you don’t want your mom to be in a crowded restaurant. 99% of people are going out to eat, sitting around with their big belly, and some peoples’ moms is not even in shape to go out and eat. Stop taking them out to eat some more brontosaurus burgers. My mom doesn’t really care about brunch or breakfast; my mom’s not into the gluttonous mother’s day thing. My sister might take her out to eat some salad but she don’t even wanna do that – she wants to do something unorthodox.

Check out Dr. Philadelphia’s “Swag”:

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