If you catch a major league baseball game this season, along with the peanuts and cracker jacks, you’ll be innundated with a barrage of sounds as players come to bat and take the mound. Walk-on music might just be one of pro-sports’ last little spots where players are free to express their own personal identities through tunes blasting throughout the stadium, with seemingly no censoring from their employers.
There’s an app for it, too. Last September, Major League Baseball launched “At the Ballpark,” which makes a majority of player entrance tunes searchable and (of course) purchasable. We perused every player’s song choice and found the 15 oddest selections for this season. So you might want to bring some earplugs along with your mitt if you’re in the same stadium as these guys.
1. Rafael Soriano (Pitcher/Closer, Washington Nationals) — “Pitch, Soriano” by Ediseuri Concepcion Mejia
Soriano, a big off-season signing for the Washington Nationals, has preserved his entrance song, “Pitch, Soriano,” an odd Spanish-language ode to himself (and at one point, his mother), which, hey, if you’re in the big leagues, screw modesty.
2. Wade Davis (Pitcher, Kansas City Royals) — “Drinkin’ Beer and Wastin’ Bullets” by Luke Bryan
The track itself is about — you guessed it — getting wasted and shooting guns. Given the recent rash of school shootings and gun control debates, K.C. pitcher Wade Davis takes the cake for Most Poorly Timed Entrance Song.
3. Eric Chavez (Infielder, Arizona Diamondbacks) — “Ice Cream Paint Job” by Dorrough
In the same way Warrant’s “Cherry Pie” was never about the delicious baked good, we’re going to take a gander in assuming that this tune — covered in nice-car metaphors — is actually about sex. We’re pretty sure the six-time Gold Glove third baseman Chavez cranks this as he clears his browser history.
4. David Freese (Third Base, St. Louis Cardinals) — “Stinkfist” by Tool
Somehow the St. Louis Cardinals’ Freese thinks that entering a game to a song named after the act of shoving one’s balled fist in another’s anus — then smelling it — is a good idea (it’s not). And, really, you’re just asking for the nickname Dave “Stinkfist” Freese to catch on.
5. Andrew Bailey (Relief Pitcher, Boston Red Sox) — “Harvester of Sorrow” by Metallica
Metallica entrance music should be set aside for the greats of the game who can back some badass metal up with some badass ball-playing. Bailey, former A’s closer and big Red Sox offseason pickup in 2011, ended up injuring his thumb the following April, missing most of the season, and getting shelled upon his return. (The Sox spent no time replacing his ass prior to the 2013 season.) So for Bailey to pick a classic thrasher from ...And Justice for All , we’re thinking he needs to reconsider his stats.
6. John Axford (Relief Pitcher, Milwaukee Brewers) — “New Noise” by Refused
Axford, who just days into the 2013 season, was shown the door as the club’s stopper had an interesting choice of a (now ex) entrance song. “New Noise” by the Refused, which has the line “We’re not … LEADING” sung over and over. Foreshadowing!
7. A.J. Pierzynski (Catcher, Texas Rangers) — “Bullets” by Creed
Known to baseball fans as the biggest asshole in the game, Pierzynski’s choice of Creed does not in the least bit surprise us and is a sure-fire way to alienate fans even more.
8. Ben Zobrist (Infielder/Outfielder, Tampa Bay Rays) — “Behind Me” by Julianna Zobrist
The Tampa Bay (nee Devil) Rays have always been, let’s say, a liberal bunch. And utility infielder/outfielder Zobrist is no exception. He walks out to his wife’s song “Behind Me,” which if which if you play the infield or outfield for a living, isn’t really where you want the baseball to be, ever
9. Domonic Brown (Outfielder, Philadelphia Phillies) — “Pop That” by French Montana
Brown, who sports a UPS-styled tattoo on his bicep that reads, “What Can Brown Do for You?” is a young up-and-comer outfielder for the Philadelphia Phillies. The first line of his entrance song? “Drop that pussy, bitch.” Parents of young children who hear this at the ballgame: stand firm on your anti-“Pop That” download.
10. Ryan Vogelsong (Pitcher, San Francisco Giants) — “Metalingus” by Alter Bridge
The Giants’ hurler has had an unlikely rebound of a career after playing in Japan and making his way back across the Pacific Ocean to the Bay Area. But amazing resurgences aside, we think it goes without saying that any band featuring former members of Creed that crosses “metal” and “cunnilingus” should be avoided on principle.
11. Travis Blackley (Pitcher, Houston Astros) — “The Year of the Snake” by Chimaira
Son: “Hey, Mom, am I crazy, or is that nu-metal band Chimaira making my ears bleed?”
Mother: “I don’t know. I can no longer hear. Let’s go home.”
12. Mike Fiers (Pitcher, Milwaukee Brewers) — Theme From the Movie Saw
Fiers won a respectable nine games in his rookie season in the Bigs last year, and is an absolute beast at 6’2” and 195 lbs. And instead of honing in on that big, lovable teddy bear image his stature could take, he chooses the theme song to a film about a psychopath who murders people in rather gruesome manners.
13. Gordon Beckham (Second Base, Chicago White Sox) — “Holy Wars …The Punishment Due” by Megadeth
Because why wouldn’t you choose a song by Dave “Insane” Mustaine that delves into the “brother killing brother” Holy Wars that have plagued us over history.
14. Lyle Overbay (Infielder, New York Yankees) — “Take a Look Around” by Limp Bizkit
Overbay’s played for several different ball clubs over the past few years, mainly because he’s not that great. Furthing his chances into irrelevancy, he picks Limp Bizkit, a band plagued by irrelevancy issues since 2001.
15. New York Mets catcher Anthony Recker — Theme From the Movie Last of the Mohicans
If you’re a backup catcher, more than likely, you’re not going to see a ton of playing time. So you would probably need a good, memorable walk-on song to remind the fans that you’re part of the team. Anthony Recker of the Mets chose the theme from Last of the Mohicans. Yep, you read that rig…zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.