GWAR Pick Six Songs That Make Them Weep

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GWAR has spent the last few eons wreaking havoc across the galaxy, obliterating planetand basically destroying everything tangible. But now the intergalactic barbarians find themselves in a period of rebuilding. In 2011, their guitarist, Flattus Maximus, fled to the stars (in the metaphorical sense) at the same time their “human slave” — the band’s real-life guitarist – Cory Smoot, died from a genetic heart condition. Now reinforced by their new axman Pustulus Maximus, GWAR are preparing to release Battle Maximus, a new album which comments on the death of Flattus and the search for his replacement. Because GWAR are still grieving for their loss, Hive spoke to vocalist Oderus Urungus (pictured above, center, if you can discern them) about the songs that make him feel sentimental.

1. Celine Dion, “My Heart Will Go On (Love Theme From Titanic)”

“I am not in any way, shape or form sentimental. Being created solely for the furtherance of chaos and destruction, I am simply incapable of such an emotion. Nevertheless, I will attempt to pretend that I am, in my limited understanding of what being sentimental actually is. For the theme from Titanic, pretty much everyone dies in this one. There is an old lady, and a love story, and Leonardo DiCaprio dies, so I am pretty sure I am getting all sniffly at this point.”

2. Journey“Don’t Stop Believin’”

“We’re mad at the world. We’re mad at the sun. We’re mad at the galaxy. GWAR just has an ax to grind, and the best way to grind it is to embed it into people’s skulls. So it’s easy to feel emotional about yourself while rocking out to this ageless anthem of self-affirmation … Especially while getting blown in the bus bathroom.”

3. Janis Joplin“Me and Bobby McGee”

“A wistful tale of lost love that is bound to get you all choked-up … especially if you actually had sung and recorded the song and then took way too many drugs and then proceeded to get all choked-up on your own vomit.”

4. Oomla and the Bubble-tones, “The Shoi-Shoi Song”

“Nothing whisks me away to the only time of my life that I knew peace or love like this classic number from one of the universe’s most popular bands. I speak of that brief time when I was seduced and deceived by the hideous Krelm into believing that I gave a shit. I lived by the Waterfall of Nur, where I was betrothed to a Hive-Child named Shom-gar. My mate and myself, before she exploded, would never miss a performance from the band. I suppose this was ‘our song.’ Luckily my Scumdog brothers rescued me and also ate my wife’s vagina.”

[Song available only on intergalactic frequencies.]

5. Slayer“Angel of Death”

“Who can’t feel sentimental whilst head-banging yourself into a stupor to this cacophonous musical monument to the murder and madness of Mengele’s death camps?”

6. GWAR, “I’m in Love with a Dead Dog”

“You can use your own band, right? Wow, this list just got a lot easier. We’ve really been on a tear, lately. People are finally understanding that you don’t stay a vital force in the music scene for over 25 years if your music sucks and you only have a sexy outfit to wear. This song of ours makes me sentimental because it reminds me of the first time I had sex with a dead dog. ‘Nuff said.”

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