There are a lot of songs about love, so musicians must know what they’re talking about, right? Sure, why not!! Let Prince Rama’s Nimai Larson heal your heart with her new column, Totally Nights, and if you’re feeling “so destroyed,” drop her a line at firstname.lastname@example.org. Those who live for love will live forever!
Dear Totally Nights,
I always fall in love with the “idea” of people (as opposed to who they actually are). This feeds into my expectations. And we all know that expectations are the prescription for disappointment.
How does a hopeless romantic/serial monogamist convert to the 21st century? I’m a dreamer… will a guy ever really be the kitesurfer, sculptor, philosopher, organic farmer, trilingual musician, obscure science fiction lover, secret pool shark that I think he is based on his Instagram feed?
– Wondering in Williamsburg
Dearest Wondering in Williamsburg:
Stop projecting your fantasy of the “perfect man” on this Instagram Bro. Instead, focus your energy on making youreself the “perfect man”!! BECOME the kitesurfer/sculptor/philosopher/organic farmer/tri-lingual musician/obscure science fiction lover/secret pool shark THAT YOU SEEK!
I came to this realization not too long ago. I was sitting at a table outside having coffee at a Whole Foods in Sarasota, Florida, when a huge group of young boys spread across five tables around me and started talking excitedly and drinking their sodas. At first I was like “DAMMIT I’m hungover and have to catch a flight to our next show…WON’T THESE LITTLE MONSTERS SHUT UP??” But then, the sea of obnoxious, young adolescent boys parted and the most xXGorgeous ManXx appeared and sat at one of the tables with them: He was their Soccer Coach.
He had so much patience with them. He made them all laugh. They all respected him. I started fantasizing about how great my life would be if I married a Soccer Coach! Everyone in town is so grateful for him looking after their kids and teaching them important lessons like self-empowerment, strength, teamwork and health! He lives in a nice house and is not struggling with money! He is happy with his life decisions and feels fulfilled! He looks great and stays in shape! And I am totally in LOVE with this man!!!
But why should I wait to find this “perfect man”? I should work on myself and BECOME the one who teaches people around me important life lessons and is not struggling with money and is happy in my life decisions and stays in shape!! Then I will totally be in love with myself!
Once you can learn to love yourself fully, you will have a heart that is ready to love someone else fully. Fall in love with yourself and all of the talents that YOU have! You will feel very Empowered, you will radiate with Self Worth and Self Love, and you will attract your Dream Man. You will NOT meet him by looking at pictures of him kitesurfing. You will meet him when you are out there learning to kite-surf!!!
GET OUT THERE and be everything that you seek and he will find you.
Dear Nimai “totallynights” Larson,
I really like this dude, but he hates your music. Is it OK for me to tell him that I don’t trust his taste, and if he does like me back I would be insulted because his taste is obviously suspect?
Now that I’ve written that, it sounds mean. But I still think it. Maybe I’ll take one more stab at indoctrinating him and take him to a show.
BUT WHAT IF IT DOESN’T WORK?!?
IT’S TOTALLY OKAY IF YOU GUYS HAVE DIFFERENT TASTE IN MUSIC. In fact, it makes your relationship more interesting! You seem to be putting a lot of weight on having things in common with This Dude. Maybe you are worried about not seeming compatible on paper. But compatibility is not the most important factor to making a relationship work. In my experience, the more I have in common with someone the more BoRrRRrRrRriNG our relationship is! It’s like, “I love chocolate cake” and he’s like “Me too!” and then we never try the red velvet cake. Or “I love getting drinks at Doris” and he’s like “Me too!” and then we never try a new bar. So when you say “I love Prince Rama” and he says “I don’t like them. I’d rather listen to Brokencyde” don’t be discouraged. Learn something new! Maybe Crab-Core is HAWT
My sister taught me that Chemistry is more important than Compatibility. He could love the same music as you, watch the same movies as you, have a good job, live in a great apartment, dress well, and be hot…..but if there’s no Chemistry or Fire between you two….THEN WHAT’S THE POINT?
Appreciate the exXxcitement and Unpredictability that This Dude is offering you!!! Take the opportunity to learn about new music TOGETHER! You can still jam “So Destroyed” or “Rest in Peace” on your own. He will respect you for your weird obscure taste in music and you can tease him about liking “Skeet Skeet”!